till all the feeling has gone

im never gna look at blues clues and sesame street the same again.
the tipping point's incredibly boring but just as fascinating. and no this is not a classic case of i dont want to be a bartender i want to be a bartender as half the class knows, it actually makes sense.

i do not go round the bush and still not make my point, its just that none of you see it. or maybe i really dont huh.

i miss the first half of the year. it wasnt great, but its a hell lot better than the next half. i want another chalet stat(hahaha)

ive resorted to wearing spectacles while using the computer, as hard as ive tried to avoid it cos squinting makes my eyes hurt ):

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OK THE WEEK'S UPDATES!

i havent done updates for veryvery long maybe thats whats missing in your lives hahahaha

ok ill stop.

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monday:

chinese As! didnt go very well. me and fay are banging our heads on the table for not reading the zuoye cos the exact question came out >:( lets hope i get ATLEAST a C and save me the trouble of deciding if i should retake. went ps with jo pris cheryl after that to wait for training.

i made jo angry that day. i realised i dont know what to do when someone's angry. especially when its hard to say even anything and not make it worse.

tuesday:

i think i slept the whole day.

wednesday:

pw in school at ten but ohsoawake me woke up at 10. s i reached at 12 ): i need an alarm clock that tickles.
wasnt very pleasant at all, and i dont like it. why did it happen?
sometimes, silence doesnt mean anger. it means alone time, time to stop think and reflect like pause freeze and rewind, time to regain your sense and get your thinking straight. and if me being angry affects you, it affects me just as bad when you are too.

after that was mos with fay joey kaili and it made my stomach bad during training ):
training was supposedly alright but after training coach talked to me and told me my playing's horrible. hit me twice as bad cos i dont see it. maybe this applies to the life im leading now.

made me think so much and with wangleehom was singing kiss goodbye in my ear on the bus, i hope the people sitting behind me werent laughing at the foolish child sniffling in front.

that night was quite a horrible night. was quite a horrible day infact.

thursday:
OP day. things were pretty ok, i dont think i answered the question correctly cos i was given a second. almost half the group was given a second, i hope it doesnt mean a bad thing.

but well done SA119 we can go to lalaland now

went out with mona after that! highlight of the week.

sneaked into her hostel shhhhhhhhhhhhhh i wish i could have a sleepover in the hostel cos its like an overseas trip! its pretty and big and your friends are just an arm's length away. thats nice to know.

went citylink to meet tammy! we had thai express. tomyum and mango salad = world war three in my stomach. hahaha. phat thai's nice i wanna eat some more (:

then we ate YAMI YOGHURT! haha mona's weird she tries weird things. if only we took a picture. the cup of yoghurt of a matured lady topped with wheatgerm and mueslis and the one of an immatured child topped with the colourful pebbles(forgot what they're called) and strawberries. NICE. i want one right now!

after that tammy realised she had church and had to go, i realised i was tired so i didnt go with mona to buy her sb (im sorry ): )

went back, read tipping point.

friday: which is today!

skipped self training in order to recharge. i think i need more than just a day though. im not used to this messy life where in roxanne's words, the world's having a psycho period and forgot to include us.
lets hope it tides over fast, before anything happens. i wouldnt know what to do, really.

mummy talked to me about work, sounds fascinating but tiring and demanding. what will happen if im not competent enough? i wish she'd stop talking to me like a teacher who's lecturing. i dont like it when you stare in my eyes and ask me rhetorical questions. its makes me uncomfortable as hell.

breakfast with the team tomorrow. i cant wait (: i want banana prata! and bandung heh.

i wish i had enough cash to fuel my desires. if i made a list of things to eat now, ill eat all the restaurants

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i wish we'd stop being irritable. i wish i kew what to do. would it make you angry to know i dont blame you? would it make you feel better if i shouted back?

that doesnt make sense.

would it make you feel better if i just left you alone? why do i get the feeling you feel obliged to behave the way you think we want you to?

the tale of the clash of two backgrounds

i wish you'd clear my doubts, the ones i have of you of me.

tammy just sent me a bumper sticker :i think i lost a brain cell

no, i think i lost much more than that. and i wish i knew why, so i'd stop losing them, before i lose the most important part which keeps my thoughts and mind going.

i wish i could tell you all these face to face because writing out these on blogs seem lowly. but how can i, when all these are just thoughts unaccompanied by evidence.

the reason why i deleted my previous one was because i thought all the things i said were lowly of me to say it in a blog. guess im sick of being not lowly.

i hate , i wish i was somewhere else.