but right now, i just want my ol band buddies back

for the firsr time in my entire life im feeling the effects of stress. everything just crumbles when you're not on form for a few weeks straight. it goes increasing downhill with every day spent yknow?

just listening to my sister play sad emo songs on the piano makes me want to cry. you have no idea how much i need to distract myself to try not to.

its not that im always sad/ frustrated/ bottled up. its just, some things just irk me particularly much, be it trivial or not.

and some things just make me sad, make me want to give up. but i cant give up, ive been brought up to not. what happens if i do? there's no turning back. sooner or later i'll regret giving up, but by then its too late. so i cant.

just now i was feeling horrible. but since my internet took about half an hour to get this page started, feeling's gone, words are gone. post is gone.

seeing my situation written in a totally unrelated textbook was like a blow in the face it was like seeing someone type out 'you have a serious problem' right in your face like a gunshot in the stomach like a bomb in your artery

mygooooooooooodnessssss.

stress kills! it kills you your friends and in the end, what lies between you and your friends. lets hope things get better after stress = gone. ((:

me: ohmygosh! 2 weeks to after promos! give me a high 5 man!
fay and verin: stares.

that was joke-of-the-day/ blunder of the day/ nonsense statement of the day!

its not nonsense ok! i dont wanna be a bartender i wanna be a bartender makes sense y'all.

:P

mummy threw a party yesteday! we all thought it was for the fun of it but in the end.. she told us 'i must take photos and let my manager see it! proof that im hanging out with my girls (:'

ha. MOTIVE.

it was all fun though! sis agrees barbecued food never tasted so nice. seriously!

sis: 'EEYER tastes like medicine!
the kind of medicine i like to drink.'

ha crazy shit. she likes green apple vodka better. and baileys(LOOK HERE ABEL AND LL) tastes better with ice!

miko was an incredibly good boy the whole night. minimal barkin. he's getting alot sadder nowadays though. and its breaking my heart

royston and jendell kept us entertained the whole night while the adults played mahjong on the second level. royston's so cute.

royston: what's that sound?
me: its the door.
royston: why does the door have a sound?
me: the alarm goes off everytime someone opens the door.
royston: but i dont have sound what!

royston: cannot sleept late! if not the snakes will come out.
me: so what time do you sleep royston?
royston: 12.
so the snakes wont come out.

beth: come you come help me! (carry a table to the second level)
royston happily runs to the side of the table twice as tall as him and attempts to help beth.

MYGOODNESS. cute kid (:

me and my sis had a great time spoiling all the photos. hehheh.

4 tubs of beandjerrys, about 6 big packets of chips and two slabs of cadbury fruit and nut alllllll in reach of carin. someone's gna become 50kg after promos!

maria, say well done carin (:

a quarter of bio, less than that for chem, just a little through half of econs. maths? ooooooooouch.

thats...not enough is it? >:(

i cant wait till after promos. doing pw everyday seems alot better than this yknow! at least you dont have to worry about telomeres and cancer, CCl4, benzene rings, and how inefficient governments are.

mygoodness. time to sleep late wake up early and love thy books.

daaaaaaaamn

so tiring. ):

school's tiring me out, especially this week, for some warped reason.

i dont remember being this drained the whole year.

im worried. like scared shit. working ust as hard as i did for common test, perhaps even harder, and im not improving. even if i am, its by such an insignificant amount. im not going to be able to promote if i dont improve, fast.

everyone's talking about promoting promoting, retaining retaining. its scary, it really is.

rarr lets just hope everything goes well.

--
had self training today. it was quite unproductive because little miss forgetful forgot to bring her damn boots. dammit. didnt get to kick anything on the field cos of that. plus, my shin and feet are giving me headaches. its affecting me >:(

i dont know where this is going, really. all that im doing now.

deb says 'you should go on an all carb diet!'

maybe i will (:

things are looking up. mummy needs to lose her tummy. im press her to go to the gym. she asks which gym, i said im not sure, so she says temasek club's gym.

temasek club.. i liiiiiiiiiiiiiike. alot. pools and gym, all together. terrific i say =D

now all i gotta do is get a swimsuit. RARR. why dont they sell nice swimsuits anymore! people dont wear bikinis to swim yknow.

im loving life im loving life im loving life. yeppa i am. yup i am.

does tomorrow mark the start of a new school term, the very last school term? does it mark the start of the countdown to promos? the countdown which will last approximately....... 2 weeks(just yesterday i thought i said oh its more that 50days away)?

nope. no it doesnt. na-ah it doesnt. no siree.



ok its freaking me out. time to study. time to go eat my books. i heard, if you swallow your books you'll remember everything in it.

johm sloman you naggy bitch i am going to eat you.

maybe i shouldnt have eaten that much popiah for dinner. i love popiah (: beth forgot the chilli was superhot and she plopped down a whole lot and wahla. fire breath.

i love roald dahl. he's the greatest dream machine.

oh how wonderful it is to rhyme
my every phrase and every line.
for all who reads this blog of mine,
filled with paragraphs of my great life.
but poor oh you will soon realise,
(no this is definitely not a lie)
that pretty soon you'll have to pay
to read whatever ive got to say.
and all proceeds will go to me
so i shant forever remain, a long bean.

genius work. if only promos gp exam had 'make a nonsensical rhyme' as one of its very useless 12 questions. oh boy what ride it will be.

tata!

i cant tell you how many butterflies fly into my tummy everytime i heard the word promos, but i can tell you, i miss being able to look forward to the end of exams. no more OHMYGOSH PROMOS IS OVER.

this time, the end of exams just marks the start of a new one. pw.

joyful year it is. yep. definitely.

jump. off my house.

you are, by far the most immatured thing anyone can ever have.

stamping your feet up the stairs, how very likely of a 22-year-old.

when will you ever learn to try to stop thinking about yourself all the time?

when will you ever learn to realise that there are other people in the house, and not everything can be done your way?

when will you ever learn to become someone worthy of talking to.

you piss me off. everyday.

IM IN A GOOD MOOD NOW (:

with prata and icekachang in my tummy, lots of talk with my two sec school friends, walking around shopandsave and being plain dumb.. such a fat and full girl yknow (:

plus tuition with the girls in the evening was hilarious, i love them (: spent time with jo in boonkeng waiting for cel and beat to go to the shirt shop..was pretty sleepy but its called quality time yknow!

ah happy day.

thats why im blogging before anything ruins my mood! so now my blog has a happy post =D

SATISFIED.

plus, there's no school tomorrow! sleeping in! awesome. how long has it been since ive woken up to sunlight on a saturday?

reallyreally longg

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
SCREAMS.

HAPPY.

Last night I had a dream about you
In this dream I'm dancing on beside you
And it looked like everyone was having fun
The kind of feeling I've waited so long

Don't stop come a little closer
As we jam the rhythm gets stronger
There's nothing wrong with just a little little fun
We were dancing all night long

The time is right to put my arms around you
You're feeling right
You wrap your arms around too
But suddenly I feel the shining sun
Before I knew it this dream was all gone

Ooh I don't know what to do
About this dream and you
I wish this dream comes true

Ooh, I don't know what to do
About this dream and you
We'll make this dream come true

Why don't you play the game?
Why don't you play the game?

its a happy song!

When the road looks rough ahead
And you're miles and miles
From your nice warm bed
You just remember what your old pal said
Boy, you've got a friend in me
Yeah, you've got a friend in me

--
so amazed, so blown away, really.

im amazed at how every single one of the people around me are so goddamned special yknow? all the band members, my bandies were special in a wonky sort of way. now the soccer girls too. and fay verin charu, rox yinhui wendy lynn, secondary school buds.

its like, meant to be...you know?

every single one of them have taught me stuff, consciously/subconsciously. they all play a part in my everyday life, and its just so amazing how i ended up knowing them.

my secondary school friends too. i admit, not every memory with them are happy ones, there still are regrets and unhappiness and anger, but even those help me in some way or another. like how a fall teaches you not to do it again.

blessed. everything i wanted, i somehow get. i should give in return right? just yesterday my sister i were looking at our baby pictures, for some odd reason. we went to the study room to look for a book and ended up looking through all the photo albums. she misses the way we used to celebrate birthdays with birthday cakes and candles and the family around a table. i do too.

told her i miss eating cake(from looking at pictures of birthday cakes), and today on the way home, on the train at buona vista she sends me a text 'hey where are you! i specially made a detour on my way home to buy cake for you! roar!'
(it turned out to be a brownie but still! its cake-ish right)

i know i need to buff up, gain some strength for soccer, and here ive got so many people egging me to go gyming, volunteering to go with me.

i said i miss drawing and painting, and suddenly, we've got props to make.

i said i wanna dance, and suddenly im in mass dance.

blessed.

i really wanna give back. do unto others how you want others to do unto you. cliche i know, but damn why has it gotta be so true

when i die, i'd want that day to become give-back-day.

NO im not being suicidal. dont be silly.

--
why is it friday already? i thought just yesterday i told fayanne i'll study my ass off during the holidays.

since when did september holidays consist of two days? its unbelievable. i refuse to believe it.

im feeling tired. and its scary yknow? i studied the whole of monday and tuesday, but all ive done is bonding, atomic structure and bacteria.

i slept wednesday away, slept half of thursday away, and now, its already friday. ive got organic chem, chem calculations, dna, econs, and the entire year of maths to learn. in a month. how to promote you ask? i dont know either.

but wait.. thats not really scary. the scariest thing is, ive only studied two days, and im tired, sick of studying. jc's no walk in the park, i know. the fact that i cant meet its requirements(studying everyday) is pissing the hell out of me and scaring me.

bio test tomorrow, then mass dance, then tuition, then simpang. lets hope i'll be recharged enough to study during the weekends again. pleasepleaseplease let me be able to study!

study study study. my life seriously revolves around books now. its nice to know there still will be people around you even when you're concentrating your entire time on books.

i still dont really believe this life is mine, that im the one leading it. recently, at one point in time i got so disorientated, everything seemed surreal, seemed different, seemed as though it wasnt happening. even the tinkle of the spoon against the cup when i stirred tea seemed alien. im still in a daze. just thinking of that puts me back on the rollercoaster.

i really need to settle down in sa. put my heart and soul in it, just like how i felt in bedokview. true, its a totally different lifestyle, and i cant help but keep wondering, would it be better if it was that way instead of this, this way instead of that, then i realise, its not gonna happen. live with this life. your everyday train rides, your alone time at the gallery in the morning, your hectic tuesdays, your very separated class. its all gonna be this way. not everyone's how you want them to be, and they dont have to be. make the best of it.

--
GET MOTIVATED (: come on people its ONE MORE MONTH. just studystudystudystudy dont worry about not spending time with your friends, they're studying tooo! lets just get this over and done with OK

must take Alevels next year together k!

nope, you aint talking to a weirdo

beautiful day! (:

not so beautiful in the end cos swings make me and roxanne motion sick. =/ induced bullemia ha.

new cafe near my favourite bitch's house; draw and groove, cafe culture. dont know if ill go back there. maybe for apple pie and coffee (: their icecream and mushroom soup/paste and ciabatta with raisinchickenmayo was...memorable in the wrong way. nice atmosphere though! yea i think i'll go back there to study.

catching up time with her was shortened by so very much cos of the stack of notes waiting in our bags. history for her and chemistry for me. she kowtows to science people, i kowtow to arts people. what can i say? she loves me, i love her (:

didnt talk much, what a shame. bitch, please meet after promos where we dont reallly need to study that hard! where we can lie in the sun the whole day and forget bout booksbooksbooks, unless you're talking about bimbo story books. just for a day pleease.

ever since the start of school, there hasnt been a day where im not worried bout studies, has there?

how terrible. its sucha pain in the ssa really.

time to sleep. mass dance cancelled tomorrow. that means more studying time. now i dont know if i should laugh or cry.

laugh carin, laugh. nerds are sexy. be a nerd. wear those nerd specs of yours and pray it actually helps you in your studies.

in jc, those who dont study are the weird ones. im no weido, no siree.

LL gave me something to do! quiz quiz everyone's doing this quiz. if only pw surveys were that fun to do.

The person who tagged you is:
WONG LILIN. ya right. Its just LL

your relationship with him:
not long enough to notice she's a he! Ha. k la. She's a crazy bitch.

your 5 impression of LL :
1. she shares my thoughts (:
2. she and nessa together can bring roofs down
3. she thinks she fat
4. really white
5. really fun

The most memorable thing she had done for you:
everything she does is funnyfunny havent really gotten anything especially memorable!

If he/she become your lover,u will:
wohmygosh

The most memorable words she had said to you:
haha she's said a lot of nice things to me. Ive got bad memory yknow.

If she becomes your lover ,things she has to improve on will be:
she has to look more like a boy.

If she becomes ur enemy,you will:
find out why

If she becomes your enemy,the reason will be:
COS SHE DIDN'T TELL ME BOUT THE OG OUTING HAHAHA

The most desired thing you want to do for her now is:
celebrate her birthday with lots of people and brownies.

Your overall impression of her is:
some white chica gas molecule.

How do you think people around you feel about u:
weird. O.O

The characteristics(s) you love yourself is/are:
eating aint a problem (:

On the contrary,the characteristic(s) you hate yourself is/are:
beanpole skinny, so useless on the field RARR

The most ideal person u want to be is:
someone happy who makes people happy

1.roxanne
2.kris
3.rachel
4.fay
5.maria
6.abel
7.timo
8.cel
9.LL (I don't care im tagging her back)
10. jasmine

N0.6 having a relationship with? (abel)
grace

Is No. 9 a female or male? (LL)
female

If No. 7 and 10 together ,will it be a good thing?(timo and jasmine)
HA that'll be funnyyy! Especially when one's in aussie!

How about No. 8 and 5? (cel and maria)
OHMYGOSH. The girls soccer team will kill themselves laughing.

What is No. 2 studying about? (kris)
ChemGeogEcons h1 maths, Alevels driving her cuckoo

when was the last time you chat with No.3? (Rachel)
quite long ago! ):

what kind of music band does No.8 likes? (cel)
emo rock!

No.1 has any siblings? (Roxanne)
uhhuh. One brother who shares the same name and looks like the guy on so you think you can dance. Admit it rox he took part in it.

will you woo No. 3? (Rachel)
YA MAN

How about No.7? (timo)
HA no I dont think so

Is No. 4 single? (fayy)
I think so but abel tells me otherwise!

What's the sirname of No 5? (maria)
ROWE.

What's the name of No. 10? (jasmine)
jasmine chan xuewei

What's the hobby of No. 4? (fayy)
heatstroking

Do No 5 and 9 get along well? (maria and LL)
never met each other. I think they'll love each other though!

Where is No 2 studying at? (kris)
yjc

Talk something casually about No 1 (Roxanne)
she's my mojo

Have you tried developing feelings for No. 8? (cel)
I LOVE CEL.

Where does N0.9 live at? (LL)
yio chu kang? But she's moving to pasir ris EAST SIDE!

Are No. 5 and 1 best friends? (maria and Roxanne)
haha no. but I bet they'll love each other too!

Does No.7 like No.2? (timo and kris)
never met

How do you get to know N0. 2? (kris)
dumb luck >:( HA. We're sisters dammit

Does No. 1 have any pets? (roxanne)
does ballet count?

Is No. 6 the sexiest person in the world?(abel)
HE WISHES
----------------------
1.A random guy/girl comes up to you and says 'hey babe' you say:
hi

2.What was the last thing you put into your mouth?
my tongue

3.what does your last received text msg says?
"Haha. gan. Oh no carin im running a fever and im bound to my bed. Promos die."From fayfoo mygosh she's damn funny la.

4.The last song u listened to?
youve got a friend in me from toy story

5.What's irritating you this moment?
not being able to sleepover >:(

6.where is the rest of your family right now?
dads in china, bro's in his room, mum's in her room, sis in her room, beth walking miko, miko with beth.

7.what did you do ytd?
I think I slept, ate, studied a little, slept.

8.pick a scar on your body,how'd you get it?
on my left palm. Stabbed a fountain pen through it when I was a baby. Ooooooo painful. I don't remember actually.

9.what do you want to do when you get out of college?
get into uni

10.How old is your mum?
50, but I swear she's lying. She's younger than me

11.are you signed onto msn
appearing offline

14.who's your most religious friend?
don't really have many reallyreally religious ones, they're all nicely faithful that kinda thing

15.If you could change your name to anything what would it be?
carine. Makes pronouncing it so much easier don't you think!

16.what's the best compliment someone had given u?
I love carin (:

17.What u hate most about your school.
ask this to all the sajc-ians and they'll most probably flood you. So many things to not like!

18.miss someone?
yea, kinda.

19.last time u took a plane?
last year December.

20.How many times u log into myspace?
never

21.last profile u went to?


22.whats the first thing you would do with five million bucks?
TAKE IT.

23.do you like this survey so far?
HA this is sucha useless question!

24.who's the 4th person on your featured friends,and why?
fay cos I thought of her when I was typing it

25.how would you react if number 3,6 and 8 of ur top friends suddenly hates you.?
daaamn I wouldn't want abel hating me. he'll kill my whole family at night!

26.next thing you'll spend money on?
starbucks.

27.what's one toy you rmb having in the 90s?
40+ barbie dolls with my sis ohmygosh so freaky.

28.If you had a son what would you name him.?
brad. I think.

29. Look through the nearest window. What do you see?
the reflection of my own house. Its dark outside and bright inside!

30.Which of your friends do you argue with most?
No idea

31.What's your dream job?
opening a cake/icecream/ funky shop which earns damn alot of money!

32.Who's the last person that you felt was stalking you?
ha! good question.

33.If you could have any car, what would it be?
topless(but still nicely roofed) lexus. If it even exists!

34.What's your favourite breakfast?
I like breakfast! Any kind of breakfast really. As long as im in the mood to eat. Early breakfasts don't go well with my stomach.

35.How do you like your eggs?
mashed with mayo and pepper (:

36.How about a tattoo?
soon soon!

37.What mood are you in?
I wanna go out and study at starbucks soon.

38.What's a movie you want to see in the theatres?
SO MANY OHMYGOSH. Simpsons hairspray ratatouille and all the old ones I didn't manage to watch.

39.If you had to live somewhere else, where would it be?
in a 2 storey cabin with electricity beside a lake in a forest with no bears/tigers/snakes/jaguars/crocodiles/sharks/bees/hornets/mosquitoes(you get my point) and lots of grass plains.

40.What's the last four numbers of your phone number?
8930

41.How many hours did you sleep for last night?
1plus to.....9. you do the math. I slept 17 hours two nights ago! HA. please dont call me a pig.

42.Where will your next car ride be to?
the train station back to school I think! If not itll be to bedok central for grocery shopping this weekend (:

43.If you could live in any TV show?
HARYY POTTER. I don't care, it's a tv show when they show it on tv.

44.What video game do you play most?
are neopets video games

45.What are you wearing right now?
shorts shirt unmentionables. In short, pyjamas.

--
killed half my brain cells contemplating if i should go for selftraining this morning.

mummy made the decision easier by giving me a crappy answer.

so tell me again why i hate sarcasm.

got so pissed, locked myself in the room and studied all the way till dinner. (i called her at 12plus). didnt wanna come out for dinner, didnt wanna speak to her, didnt want to argue with her. but yet, doing those stuff's an outright argument already.

the last thing i want is to make her cry. yet the things i really feel like telling her/showing her will definitely make her cry.

shuttup, just shuttup shuttup. how apt.

sat beside her while she ate(ate before her), went up to come online while she's still eating, and about five minutes later she goes 'carin back already?'

tell me its old age creeping up on her please.

back to studying. ive got loads to do. >:(

secondary school feels like the best time of my life now.

guess i'd have to continue living everyday as i do

because thats what people do. they move on. to not move on is to remain stagnant. and to remain stagnant is to die.

im gonna snap out of it sooner or later. might as well snap out of it now.

you're giving me the reasons to give up, to stop trying, to put myself as the lead actress of a tragic movie.

to stop sounds tempting. so very tempting.

but that'll be foolish. its always foolish. no matter what people say, itll always be foolish.

--
i miss my neighbourhood school days. where no one actually gives two hoots about your life, where everyone knows everyone else, where people dont give two hoots about themselves, where everyone is just normal.

i miss familiarity. i really do.

i dont want to go back to school. thank god its the holidays.

wellspent, wasted day

bibbidi bobbidi boo is sucha nonsense song! but i liiike. very much

--
today was a wellspent wasted day. woke up at an alarming 5pm please dont call me a pig.

ate a donut, ate lunch, then went 7/11 with sis to get rubbish. got vitasoy for protein(*ahem*im trying!), slurpee which tasted like soap(but nice soap), and cheezels(cos they're salty), when all we wanted to get was icecream. :P

came home with the vitasoy gone, and ate curry! poured the curry into dugout bread :P it looked disgusting but it was phun :D

after that i realised vitasoy and curry dont go very well together ):

we watched tomandjerry after that! so awesome i love tomanjerry. sis reckons we should do PW groundbreakers on fred quimby. i second that, but pw leaders are too shit to believe he's a groundbreaker.

yup. wellspent, wasted day indeed =D

mummy was out the whole day, so it was basically my sis, me, beth, and miko (: i woke up to him sniffing at my door. i bet he wanted aircon, not me. >:( mummy's really full, so she wants to go exercise tomorrow! and she got us calamari and starbucks when she got home. too bad my and my sis were so full from lunch at 4 and dinner at 7. :P

--
yesterday was up and down(life's like a rollercoaster. eat it!)

teachers day was really nice! student council did a good job and allll the ccas outdid themselves. choir was so funneh! dance was really good, jonadab and his emoness/heartfeltness and dominic with his ohsoglamorous sitting postion.

after that, went lunch with jo and wendy, cos all the other soccer girls left us behind ): i wish i couldve gone back to bv! i really miss the teachers. i havent really said a good thankyou the 12 points i wouldnt have gotten if it werent for them. >:( stupid jc and its hectic schedule and location. (maybe i should give them free hugs! hahahahahaha)

went to st wilfreds after that for friendly with bishan arsenal. for some reason, we had supporters! haha so funneh! they were really nice though, could hear them clapping.

the weather was unbelievably hot; we all started feeling cold halfway through first half. at least we did a fantastic warm-up. everyone was on their toes alll the time. coach would be proud.

got a cramp shortly after secondhalf started. ive nevereverever gotten a leg cramp, and it hurt really badly ): so drama dammit. i hope i never get cramps again. and coldspray doesnt heal things, they just make you not feel the pain. its like denial or something. so please dont rely on coldspray all the time, unless youve got a game to finish. get it healed ok!

we lost, but thats the minor-est detail. i didnt think of the score after it was all over. becca made mouths drop, sherlyn was like woahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, and i could see defence really improved twicefold from queensway game. what's there to be sad about? WELL DONE MATES

and bishan arsenal players were so nice. they came to ruffle cheryl's head and give us nice comments after the game (:

YESTERDAY WASSSS cheryl's birthday! i didnt know til she told me after the celebration. HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHERYL!! dont cry, we'll sing another birthday song to make you happier if it makes you happier *HUG*

dinner with coach, mr tan and the committee after that, we all kept sidetracking and i was close to falling asleep but we managed to get things done (:

took train to bedok and took the bus back cos walking was a problem and i was really tired. and i ended up sitting from the interchange to the interchange. mummy had to pick me up from bedok ): luckily she called halfway, or i'd have slept till the busdriver woke me up. i thought i slept for two busstops only ):

came home, ate(more than i wouldve *IM TRYING), bathed, slept. and woke up to sunlight today. say hiphiphooray!

i was talking rubbish the whole day yesterday. and im talking alot of rubbish today. the effects of too little/too much sleep,really.